When I was completely
asleep I began to dream about how my day was continuing. In my dream I woke up,
made my stuff and had dinner. The dream was so believable that I made all the
activities that I was supposed to make when I wake up. After a long time from
sleeping I woke up and felt like if I had been sleeping for a very long time
and I felt weird.
I took my phone and
after a while I realized that it was very late, but the thing was that I was
confused, that the day had not finished, I thought that because I had dreamed that.
So I opened fast the door of my room
and yelled to my mother “why didn’t you
tell me it was late” and closed the door. I took a quic
When my mother saw my
preoccupation and the bag that I was carrying she began to laugh and told me
that I was confused about the day it was. But I didn’t understand. She asked me
to check the date in my phone so I did it and in that moment I began to laugh too.
The dream was so exactly to my daily routine and I was so tired that I felt I
had slept for a whole day. That day at night it was hard for me to fall asleep
again.
By.Valeria Marroquin
By.Valeria Marroquin

Hi Valeria! I enjoyed your story. I've had a dream like that as well. I'll make a few comments on your writing, but take them positively and keep in mind I am no grammar expert.
ResponderEliminar* I was arriving from school to my house and I felt really tired because I had a very occupied week. So when I entered to my house I just told my mother to tell everyone not to bother and after that I went straight to my room. There I jumped into my bed and decided to take a nap. I turned on the air conditioner and fall asleep.
When I was completely asleep I began to dream about how my day was continuing. In my dream I woke up, made my stuff and had dinner. The dream was so believable that I made all the activities that I was supposed to make when I wake up. After a long time from sleeping I woke up and felt like if I had been sleeping for a very long time and I felt weird. I took my phone and after a while I realized that it was very late, but the thing was that I was confused, that the day had not finished, I thought that because I had dreamed that. So I opened fast the door of my room- (Here I would change a few things just to help the flow of the narrative.) I arrived at my house from school and I was very tired because I had a very busy week. So when I entered my house I asked my mother to tell everyone not to bother me and went straight to my room.I jumped into my bed and decided to take a nap. I turned on the air conditioner and fell asleep. When I was completely asleep I began to dream that my day was continuing. In my dream I woke up, cooked, and ate dinner. The dream was so believable that I did all the activities I was supposed to do when I woke up. After a while, I woke up and felt as if I had been sleeping for a very long time, I felt weird. I looked at my phone and after a while I realized that it was very late, but I was confused. The day was not over, I thought it was because I had dreamed it. So I quickly opened the door of my room
*at her house house for hanging out.- at her house to hang out. *just one more teen drama.- just more teenage drama. * about the day it was.- about what day it was. *The dream was so exactly to my daily routine and I was so tired that I felt I had slept for a whole day. That day at night it was hard for me to fall asleep again.- The dream was so exact to my daily routine, and I had been so tired, that I thought I had slept for a whole day. That night it was hard for me to fall asleep again.
A very good story. Thank you again. ~Fatima S.(University of South AL)
Hey Fatima! Thankyou for the time that you took for cheking my story. I´ll take into account all your suggestions. Thankyou again.
EliminarValeria, I enjoyed your story! Your English is very nice! I am going to show you a sentence in your story that could be improved. What you wrote: "I took my phone and after a while I realized that it was very late, but the thing was that I was confused, that the day had not finished, I thought that because I had dreamed that."
ResponderEliminarHow I would write it: "I took my phone, and after awhile I realized it was very late. I was confused that the day had not finished. I thought that only because I had dreamed about it!"
I hope that helps. Keep up the good work!
-Hannah S. (Team 1: Univ. of South AL)
Hello Hannah, thankyou very much for all your comments! They will help me a lot. Take care bye!
Eliminar