PARANORMAL HOUSE
I
had a great day two weeks ago. In the night of that day I was talking with my
best friend via Skype, but suddenly I heard the chairs of my dinning room
moving. The first time I heard it I was like confused because my parents were
in the second floor, so they couldn’t be moving the chairs, either my brothers
or my dog.
After
10 minutes of the incident, the chairs started to move again and I was very scared
by the moment, so I searched my cross and started wearing it because I thought
God would protected me because I am catholic.
Then
I heard that someone was knocking my door and my first thought was “there’s no
one, is my imagination” but I heard it again and I was thinking about calling
my dad but I thought that he wouldn’t come so I tried to be brave.
I
started to pray and begging to God that any ghost or demon would come to my
bedroom and steal my sleep.
Finally
I fell asleep. The next morning I didn’t say anything to my mom either to my
dad. I just called my brother in my phone and told him what happened because he
already told me that once he heard the chairs move, he was like OMG.
I forgot about it the next days but yesterday I
woke up with a scar in my front and I don’t remember that I’ve hurt myself so
I’m thinking about a demon or a ghost did this to me. WRITTEN BY: FLORENCE ANDREA VALDÉS.
Hi Florence. Thank you for your interesting story. I'll make a few comments on your writing, but please keep in mind I am no grammar expert. So take the critiques positively.
ResponderEliminar*I had a great day two weeks ago. In the night of that day I was talking with my best friend via Skype, but suddenly I heard the chairs of my dinning room moving. The first time I heard it I was like confused because my parents were in the second floor, so they couldn’t be moving the chairs, either my brothers or my dog. - I had a great day two weeks ago, until that night. I was talking to my best friend via Skype, when suddenly, I heard the chairs in my dining room moving. The first time I heard it I was confused because my parents were on the second floor. They couldn't be moving the chairs, neither could my brother or my dog.
*After 10 minutes of the incident, the chairs started to move again and I was very scared by the moment, so I searched my cross and started wearing it because I thought God would protected me because I am catholic.-Ten minutes after the first incident the chairs started to move again. By this time I had become very scared. I searched for my cross and put it on because I am Catholic and I thought God would protect me.
* Then I heard that someone was knocking my door and my first thought was “there’s no one, is my imagination” but I heard it again and I was thinking about calling my dad but I thought that he wouldn’t come so I tried to be brave.
I started to pray and begging to God that any ghost or demon would come to my bedroom and steal my sleep. Finally I fell asleep.- Then I heard someone knocking on my door. My first thought was, "There's no one, it's my imagination",but then I heard it again. I thought about calling my dad, but I didn't think he would come, so I tried to be brave. I started to pray and beg God that any ghost or demon wouldn't come into my bedroom and steal me in my sleep. I was finally able to fall asleep.
* The next morning I didn’t say anything to my mom either to my dad. I just called my brother in my phone and told him what happened because he already told me that once he heard the chairs move, he was like OMG.
I forgot about it the next days but yesterday I woke up with a scar in my front and I don’t remember that I’ve hurt myself so I’m thinking about a demon or a ghost did this to me. - The next morning I didn't say anything to my mom or my dad. I just called my brother and told him what happened, because he had once told me that he heard the chairs move. He as like, "OMG!". I forgot about the incident for the next few days, but yesterday I woke up with a scar. I don't remember hurting myself so I'm thinking a demon or ghost did this to me.
Very neat story. Thank you again. ~Fatima S. (Team 1- University of South AL)
Este comentario ha sido eliminado por el autor.
EliminarThank you for your comment, It will be very helpful for me because I really like writting. I appreciate it. Blessings!
EliminarFlorence, your entry gave me chills! I loved how honest you were about being scared and what you did to comfort your fear! Fatima made very good points about your grammar in this story!
ResponderEliminarOverall, I felt like your story read smoothly and was understandable!
Hi Autumn! Hahaha thank you for you comment, I will improve my writing and I think I'll keep writing scary stories following the steps of my favorite author Stephen King. Thank you.
EliminarFlorence, your story was awesome! What I'll do is use one of your sentences, and rewrite it myself to show you how to improve your writing. What you wrote: "The first time I heard it I was like confused because my parents were in the second floor, so they couldn’t be moving the chairs, either my brothers or my dog." How I would write it: "The first time I heard it I was very confused because my parents were on the second floor. They definitely couldn't be moving the chairs. Neither could my brothers or my dog." I hope you see what little differences I made to help improve your writing. Great job!
ResponderEliminar-Hannah S. (Team 1: Univ. of South AL)
Hey Hannah! Thank you, I will try to improve my writing, it will be helpful for my next story. Blessings ;)
EliminarFlorence, your story is very scary! I would hate to have a ghost in my house! Overall, I think you should work on your subject-verb agreement and adding a few punctuation marks to split up some of the sentences. You can add commas or periods to help make the blog better to read. Otherwise your blog was great!
ResponderEliminarHello Zach, hahaha I'm glad that is scary! I hate having ghosts in my house too but I really like writing about scary things since I started reading Stephen King. Besides that thank you for your observations and I will take them in to account for my next story. Blessings
Eliminar