Introduction
It was a really boring day, I was in my
house doing nothing, I didn’t have something important to do, so I called my
cousin and asked him if he was free; he told me that he was free, so we called
some other friends to go with them to eat hamburgers at Wendy’s.
Rising
action
My cousin was driving the car, while
other friends and me were bothering one another, we were singing and laughing
so much; we were having a lot of fun; that boring day suddenly converted in a
really happy and funny day, then we stopped to take some coffee at Starbuck’s;
as soon as we finished with the coffee, we came back to the car to finally go
to eat at Wendy’s.
Climax
We
were going to Wendy’s, it was all nice, but my cousin started to accelerate the
car more and more every time, nobody told him to calm down; but then he
accelerate it more than before, he was going too fast, so a friend told him to
calm down a little bit because it could be dangerous for us, but he didn’t pay
attention to that and continued accelerating more, my friend got so angry so
they started to fight, my cousin was so concentrated to the fight and he was
not paying attention to the traffic, suddenly we crashed. The man we crashed
with was so angry and called the police; then the police went and told my
cousin that he had to paid the money necessary to repair the car, no one was
injured, but my cousin felt so embarrassed.
Resolution
At
the end we just came back to home, my cousin apologized with us for be so
imprudent, we accepted his apologies and just told him that the next time he
has to think first about the consequences of driving too fast.
Made
by: Roberto Antonio Cáceres
Hello Roberto! What an exciting and also scary story! I enjoyed it, but I am sorry it occurred. Please take all critiques positively, I am not a grammar expert. Your use of the words introduction, rising action, climax, etc. were not necessary. Your commentary alone provided those things. Meaning you don't have to actually spell them out. while other friends and me- here you would say maybe my `friends and I` or perhaps `while the others and I were bothering one another`.
ResponderEliminarto take some coffee- here you would say to have some coffee.
accelerate the car more and more every time, nobody told him to calm down- you could cut out every time and change calm to slow.
paid the money-pay the money, here you would use pay because at the time of they story he had not yet paid the money.
for be so imprudent- You would say being so imprudent. Great use of the word imprudent! I'm glad your cousin learned from his mistake.
Thank you! (Fatima S. Team 1 Univ. of South Al.)
Thank you a lot I will take your critiques into account, I know that will help me to improve my writing!
EliminarYour story is very exciting, but sounds scary! Your English is very good! One thing I would work on is your punctuation. You can use commas or periods to separate your sentences so that way your story flows in a way that is easy to read. Nice work!
ResponderEliminarThank you a lot! I will work on that to improve my writing!
EliminarJob well done, Roberto! You have excellent writing skills! I agree that punctuation is a little thing that makes a HUGE difference in your writing. Too many commas in one sentence could accidentally cause run-on sentences. Great job!
ResponderEliminar-Hannah S. (Team 1: Univ. of South AL)