Fátima party
It was my birthday and I celebrate with my family and
Friends it was fantastic.
I went to the beach to eat fish with all my friends.
After I eat I swam with my mother and sister. In the night I was sleeping in my
bed and I was dreaming that I was walking in a store I saw my friend gabby in
the movie theater she was looking a movie that was The Hunger Games with her
mom and dad after the movie gabby and me went to buy food because we were
hungry we ate tacos and pupusas.
After the movie and food I ask to Gabby’s father if
she can stay in my house with all my sisters and best friend and he told me
yes.
Then gabby told me a good idea if we can invited
Andrea and Cecy to the party and celebrate Andréa’s birthday in my house and
agree with the idea to stay with her in the party.
We bought food, soda, candies and some vegetables
because Andrea heat meat. We put music and took picture with all my friends.
After the party we were discussing that we want to
travel to Europe or another country of the world.
Hello Fatima. I enjoyed reading your narrative. I am by no means and expert on grammar so please take these comments positively. I will copy your story and change a few things so you can compare the two.
ResponderEliminarIt was my birthday and I celebrated with my family and friends. It was fantastic!
I went to the beach to eat fish with all my friends. After I ate I swam with my mother and sister. That night I was sleeping in my bed and I dreamed that I was walking in a store. (This part was a little confusing, but I read it as your birthday and the day you saw your friend and her family in the theater were two separate days. If I misunderstood I apologize.)
I saw my friend Gabby in the movie theater, she was watching The Hunger Games (I love these movies as well as the books.) with her mom and dad. After the movie Gabby and I went to buy some food because we were hungry. We ate tacos and pupusas.
After the movie and food I asked Gabby’s father if she could stay the night at my house with all my sisters and best friend. He told me yes.
Then Gabby told me it would be a good idea if we invited Andrea and Cecy to my house for the party and celebrated Andréa’s birthday. I agreed with the idea to invite them to the party.
We bought food, soda, candies and some vegetables because Andrea heat (I think you mean hates?) meat. We listened to music and took picture together.
After the party we discussed that we want to travel to Europe or other countries of the world.
Great story! Thank you!
-Fatima S(Team 1-Univ. of South Al.)
Thank you for supporting me I will take your comments to improve my grammar and be better every day
EliminarHi Fatima! Your story about your birthday celebration was very exciting! I like the Hunger Games movie too, and also I have traveled to a country in Europe and loved it! In your blog, I think think it would be helped to use words like "would" or "could" instead of "can" to mean that something has the possibility of happening. Like where you said "Then Gabby told me a good idea if we can invited" can be changed to "Then Gabby told me a good idea if we could invite".
ResponderEliminarThanks for helping me with the grammar I will take these comments into account to be a better writer every day.
EliminarFátima, great story! I'm going to show you a sentence of your own that I'll rewrite to show what improvements you could make. What you wrote: "Then gabby told me a good idea if we can invited Andrea and Cecy to the party and celebrate Andréa’s birthday in my house and agree with the idea to stay with her in the party." How I would write it: "Gabby had a great idea! She asked if we could invite Andrea and Cecy to the party, and if we could celebrate Andréa's birthday at my house." I hope that helps! Great job!
ResponderEliminar-Hannah S. (Team 1: Univ. of South AL)
Thanks for checking my narrative and help me with the grammar I will take these comments into account, greetings to all.
Eliminar