One Tuesday morning whe I woke up , I realized that it
was late for going to the gym . It was 9:00 o clock , suddenly I heard my mom
shouting and coming to my room saying “Gabriela its is really late and you have
to be responsible”that scared me a lot . I answered to my mom that I didn’t
want to go , I wanted to sleep all day .
I did that , I slept all day and dreamed strange thing
for example , In my dream I was a super hero that helped people , I could fly ,
be invisible , I was the faster girl on Earth .
My second dream was that I
could eat a lot but a lot without being fat , It would be a nice idea in real
life .
I
continued dreaming this one was even stranger , a giant wanted to kicked me and
that giant was named as my mom .
When I finally woke up I
tought it was another day but it was the same day in the afternoon , these
dreams are unforgetable . I decided to eat some cereal and while eating I was
narrating my dreams to my parents.
Your second dream is my favorite! I wish I could eat everything without getting fat! That would be the greatest super power ever! Especially since Thanksgiving here in the United States is this Thursday!
ResponderEliminarYour dreams are very funny! When writing your blog, I think it would be helpful to add more punctuation marks so that way you won't have too many run-on sentences. You can split up your sentences with periods or commas so that way your idea won't be confused.
ResponderEliminarHello Zach! thanks for taking that time and reading my history, i'm going to follow your sugestion, and thank you for your commet !!
EliminarI enjoyed your story, Gaby! I'm going to use one of your sentences to show you how I would rewrite it to make subtle improvements. What you wrote: "
ResponderEliminarI did that , I slept all day and dreamed strange thing for example , In my dream I was a super hero that helped people , I could fly , be invisible , I was the faster girl on Earth ." How I would write it: "I did that! I slept all day, and dreamt of the strangest things. For example, in my dream I was a superhero that helped people! I could fly, be invisible, and I was the fastest girl on the planet!" I hope you are able to see the little differences made to improve your writing. Great job!
-Hannah S. (Team 1: Univ. of South AL)
Hi Hannah! thanks for taking that time and reading my history, i'm going to follow your sugestion and keep improving my grammar. Hope you have a good day!!
EliminarHi Gaby! I enjoyed your story, it was quite entertaining. I'll offer a little critique for you.
ResponderEliminar*I continued dreaming this one was even stranger , a giant wanted to kicked me and that giant was named as my mom .- Here I'd break it up a little just so it'll flow a bit better. I continued to dream. My next dream was even stranger that the last ones. A giant wanted to kick me, and that giant was my mother!
*When I finally woke up I tought it was another day but it was the same day in the afternoon , these dreams are unforgetable . - When I finally woke up I thought it was a new day, but it was just later in the afternoon. These dreams were unforgettable.
Overall great job. Thank you for your story!
~Fatima S (Team 1-University of South AL)