One night when I was a little boy, I was very tired so
I went to my comfortable and white bed. I closed my eyes, it was very hard for
me to slept, but finally I did. That dark and cold night became in one of my significant
memories. I dream something I wouldn’t expect something that change my life a
great adventure in my mind.
I was in my
house and all the disasters began, all the people were scared and running in
the streets. I saw a man, he was very old, I didn’t know him but I knew that I
need to talk with him. When I was close to him, he saw me and smiles me. I was
confused but I talked to him.
-Hey, what’s happening here?
-Thy, I see thy in my dreams
I got more confuse, I didn’t knew many things, I
didn’t knew why the people were scared, I didn’t knew who the old man was and
why he said “thy” instead of “you”, I didn’t knew why I was in his dreams. He
saw that I was confused, and he laughed.
-Oh my boy, I am Kepler
I was surprised by that, what Kepler was doing there?
And that didn’t answered why the people were like that, and why I appeared in
his dreams, so I ask him and he answered:
-People is scared because all the planets are aligned
and the titans had escaped of the Tartarus
I was surprised by that words but he continued.
-And thy are the key to save us.
I thought I couldn’t be more confused, but I was wrong
I feel my brain will explode; I saw him and asked him.
-What do you mean?
-Thy will understand if thy go to this direction.
Kepler gave me a paper that said
Rashtan
Street, 14th
Near the
football stadium, house 15/16
-At the moment he gave me the direction, he
disappeared an I followed the direction he gave me.
When I finally was in front of the house after saw the
people running and screaming I knocked the door.
The door was open I enter to the house and walked to
the living room where a man that was very handsome saw me and said me.
-Oh you finally are here, please take a sit
I sat down in a marble chair and when I saw him I was
ashamed by how I look, he was magnificence and with a very strong aura.
-What happen boy?
-Who are you?
He acquired a happy but serious face.
-I’m Hermes, the messenger of the gods and the god of
travels and thieves. I’m not proud of the last one.
That day was been more and more rare and confused
first I met Kepler and the Hermes that completely beat me.
- Don’t be scare kid you are here for a reason a big
reason
I became serious and pay attention to him.
-What is that about a key? And why I am the key?
-Kepler said that you are the key? He and his form of
talk he must be died, but his right the Olympians need you.
-Need for what? I’m a simple and normal boy.
-You are wrong my friend, you are special because you
have blood of the titan Tetis you are a descendent of one of her sons.
In the dream I began asking myself if I was dreaming
or not I was surprised of knew that a Titan was in part my mother.
-What I have to do?
-You need to go to the Tartarus and open the door with
some of your blood and we will trap them there.
-Why you don’t take come of my blood and open it?
-Is not that easy, we are very busy and there are many
monsters
-What can I do with the monsters?
Hermes saw me and opened a letter he took a sword of
the letter.
-You will need it (he gave me the sword)
It was a long sword with a gold grip, a pearl in the
pommel; it was a double-edged sword that it’s looked like if they had taken
from the forges of the great Hephaestus.
-Happy travel
At the moment he said that, I was in the Tartarus it
was a dark place but I didn’t saw any monster. I walked for a path. At the
final of the path I saw an arena like the ones gladiators used.
When I enter to the Arena many monsters were around me
I don’t know why but I know how to use the sword Hermes gave me like if the
sword and me were connected. I killed some of them but I cannot stay that way
for much time I made a space to get out and began to run. I fell in a big hole
but before touch the floor a Cyclops catch me I slash him with my sword in his
eye, he left me and cover his eye with his big hands I slash him in the stomach
and he fell in knees, he was already dead. I continued and finally I found the
door Hermes was talking about a big door made of obsidian and ashes. I took
some of my blood with my sword and I opened the door immediately I saw a
tornado entering into the door and the door get closed. I heard the voice of
Hermes.
-You did a good job boy but this is just practice.
What would you do in real life?
I woke up and heard
-I know thy were the chosen one. Wait for us.
Twelve years later I was nineteen years old I began a
travel for the entire world looking for a sign of the gods but when I traveled
through the Pacific Ocean I found a beautiful island but I never expect what
would be there…

Hello William! I really enjoyed your narrative! It was adventurous and fun to read. I'll offer a few critiques, but please keep in mind I am not a grammar professional.
ResponderEliminarMost of the mistakes I saw were in tenses. There was a lot of switching between past and present tense when only one tense was needed. (Examples: *And that didn’t answered why the people were like that,- should say answer, *People is scared because all the planets are aligned and the titans had escaped of the Tartarus- People are scared because all the planets are aligned and the titans have escaped from Tartarus, *I fell in a big hole but before touch the floor a Cyclops catch me I slash him with my sword in his eye, he left me and cover his eye with his big hands-I fell in a big hole, but before I touched the floor a Cyclops caught me. I slashed him in the eye with my sword. He let me go and covered his eye with his big hands, * Don’t be scare kid- Don't be scared kid, * it was a dark place but I didn’t saw any monster. I walked for a path. At the final of the path I saw a- it was a dark place, but I didn't see any monsters. I walked on a path. At the end of the path I saw a). There are a few more, but really I was able to understand your narrative well. Also, I enjoyed that you added a lot of description to the characters surroundings. Great Job! Thank You!
-Fatima S (Team 1- Univ. of South AL)
This was a wonderul story, William. I agree with Fatima on being careful with which past, present, or future tense you are using. "I didn't knew many things," would actually be "I didn't know many things." The sequel to 'My Greek Adventure' is going to be great, I can already tell! You did a spectacular job.
ResponderEliminar- Hannah S. (Team 1: Univ. of South AL)
Your dream sounds very exciting William! I like stories about Greek gods and Greek mythology! For your blog, I agree with Hannah and Fatima's comments. Also, I suggest that you use words other than "and" to describe things that happen in your story. You can use words like "next", "then" and "after that" to make your story flow in an order that is easy for the reader to understand and exciting to read. Nice work, keep dreaming cool dreams!
ResponderEliminar